Wednesday, September 15, 2010

< widowed >

The other night I had a dream.

I woke up sobbing, so thankful to feel my husband laying next to me.

I think I had a "Job" dream, in that the dream went a little like Job's story in the bible.

I forget bits and pieces but this is what I remember.

I remember a boy that I had went to school with (I really don't know him personally or have seen him in years) come running after me and he started beating me up. I remember seeing a lady that I go to church with watching me. I tried to get her attention and she just ignored me.
The next thing I remember is being told that my husband and daughter had died. I guess I was pregnant in the dream because I also miscarried a little girl. (I wonder if this is will come to pass? Not the miscarriage part but the having another little girl part..hmm)
I still had my in-laws and my parents and siblings alive. 
I remember my brother coming up and saying that he wanted to say goodbye to the girls and for some reason I handed him 2 papers. One was completely "written" or "filled" up, I don't know what it said. The other one was not complete.

The dream was so real.

I feel kind of embarrassed for the next part...

I even thought about how I need to change my facebook status to "widowed".

For pete sakes... I think I need to re-think my facebook habits...

The one thing that really stuck out to me, and made me feel like this dream was truly a God thing was that I remember telling God that I STILL TRUSTED HIM.

How many of us would be able to say that after loosing everything?

Since I've gotten married, there have been a few times where I thought about loosing my husband or a child and I nearly broke down into tears. But I tried / try my best to let God know that I trust Him. Because I do. I'd be foolish not too. After I say that though I usually quickly say something to effects of, "But please don't make me go through that!!"

So anyways, I'm not sure what woke me up from my dream but I woke up thinking that I was a widow. It was that real. I quickly snapped out of it and felt for my husband next to me and breathed a sigh of relief. I then proceeded to cry like a baby. My husband held me and comforted me and in the morning we both laughed about it. But wow, was that a powerful dream.


Well, baby is crying out for some mommy time so off I go! Yay for the fair tonight!